omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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