i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
