Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
