I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Someone shit on the floor
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
