I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
