My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
