I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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