my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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