I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
