Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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