I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
