woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
