I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
