also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
