i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
