loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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