So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
