Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
