I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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