Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
