At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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