I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
