Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
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I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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