He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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