singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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