Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
