Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
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Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize