I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
