We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
