you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
