Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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