8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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