Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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