I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
