i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
