the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im holly from the hills drunk
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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