I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
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you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
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Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
and you fell through a lawn chair
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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