What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
