You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
why do cheetos always look like penises
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
