I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
