I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
