Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
