So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
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You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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