He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize