the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
