I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
