i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We had sex on a dog bed..
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
