Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
