If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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