We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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