Jerry, you need to find god
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
