no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
