I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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