Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
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Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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