I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
