If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
