just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
