You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
