My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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