I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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