Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
