And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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